For some time there has been a niggling thought in the back of my mind, urging me to expand my writing outside the current venues I am using. SOOOOO, I went to the page where application can be made and followed all the directions with the assurance (in my own mind) that success would be had. The easiest part was taking a few facts about a world event and organizing them so they would make sense to someone who was not aware of the things that had happened (mine was about the floods in Pakistan). Not only was I able to produce a lucid and flowing article, but the story written was much more compact than required by the instructions. As I pressed send for the transmittal of my credentials, I was confident that there would be an immediate reply suggesting that I had been remiss for waiting so long to offer my expertise.
One week passed and there was no response. Of course, I reasoned, that is because they were so busy sorting through the thousands of applications received. Patiently, I waited and envisioned the great things I would write as the world was enlightened by the musings of my mind. When a second week had passed I began to wonder what kind of knuckleheads were running the program. After all, how could they not rush the request for my talents back so I could get started on my new career as a member of the Press? Ah, but not to worry! After nearly three weeks, there was a message in my e-mail that signified the desire this grand company had for the labors of my fingers and mind. The words went something like this:
Dear Loser Writer:As you might imagine, this was not the greeting I was expecting. It seems all those years of writing in my journal and composing witty letters to my children, students and other teachers had been wasted. And can I ever justify writing in my blog (where some poor unsuspecting victim might be assaulted by my words) again when I might be the harbinger of pain and incomprehensible anguish.
You have the worst style of writing we have ever seen. It is amazing to us that you can compose a sentence that is intelligible, coherent, or even readable. Please understand that we never want to hear from you again. We mean it!!! In fact, if you ever consider writing to us again, we want you to know that we will file a court injunction and sue you for everything you own. What ever made you think anyone would want to read the mish-mash you write. LEAVE US ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And in case you didn’t understand, we hate your writing style, we despise the message you are trying to communicate and we hope that you will be banned from any blog, e-mail account, or other writing medium that is part of this mortal life.
XXXXXXXXX (name redacted to protect the guilty)
What a terrible blow to my ego and my desire to become a true writer. But I do have this one consolation. Though I may not have the talent and skill necessary to find my way to fame and glory, MY DAUGHTER does. Not only has she been accepted to the elite levels offered by the Deseret News but she has had two, (2), dos, deux, of her articles printed in the on-line version of Mormon Times. You can go Here to see the first and right here to see the second. Hurray for Melissa!!
The moral of this story is:
If you can’t become good at something, make sure your children can and live off their glory and fame. So far it’s working for me. How are you doing.BTW, I wonder if my chances would be better if I submitted another application under an assumed name like Michael DeMoux. Maybe I will try that!!!???!!! I’ll show them to turn me away.