Yard Sale

There are a lot of things I would like to change about myself!!

Nothing new in that.  In fact, it means I am similar to the vast majority of the world.

Constant effort has eliminated a few of my annoying characteristics but there remain a “grundle” of things that REALLY could use some fixing.

So, in the spirit of spring cleaning and summer yard sales, I am putting up for bid three of my most glaring weaknesses.  Recognizing that there are innumerable things that could be offered in this auction, I have decided that I am only willing to part with the ones I find most egregious.

 

1. First on the list is the penchant for finding fault and judging people and things without regard to circumstances:

In many ways, I have succumbed to th e wiles of the world and become one who looks at the outside of a person instead of looking on the heart.  Every time I read Moroni 7:18 I feel a chill that makes my neck hairs stand straight up.  To think that Christ will judge me the same way I look at some of my brothers and sisters in this life creates no small disturbance in my heart.  So, I am willing to part with this “treasure”, which is giving me a vicious heart disease, for a small price.  Actually, I will give this to the first person who offers a bid, so hurry or you will miss a real deal.

2. My second item up for bid is a long lasting and extremely well polished ability to know everything:  

While there has been some progress on this particular failing, there is such a long ways to go for it to be a non-issue that I believe I will just give up and jettison the whole thing right now.  Anyone who feels like they just don’t have what it takes to be “all-knowing” (at least in a worldly sense) will find this purchase to be a great boon to their self-esteem (or maybe that is EGO that will be boosted).  Let me warn you, though.  There will be times in your life when you find you have been outwitted by what you might consider “lesser mortals” but that really will have no bearing on you because you KNOW-IT-ALL.  Please act fast because this one is very enticing and should probably go quickly.

3. The final part of our sale is given with a little trepidation because it has become such an integral part of my life.  If I am not mistaken, this little gem is really the source of my previous two product lines:

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, gather round and see what we are bringing to the table for your consideration.  YES, I know you are amazed, but this is, by far, the most developed and best kept of all the attitudes priced for your pleasure today.  Before you is laid out the most excellent examples of PRIDE ever seen in this generation.  In many ways, this little pride-fellow has been the benefactor of a judgmental attitude and an ability to know-all.  I would even suggest that you really can’t have any one of these items without taking on the other two.  SO, I am willing to present these as a package to the highest bidder who responds in the next 3 days.  You will find great service in all these things  and you will do wonders for helping a poor, wandering soul who is trying to clean out his house/life.

There are no warranties for any of these products but I promise that I will transfer ownership to the winner of the auction IMMEDIATELY… Even before payment is received…and if payment is not received I will not require you to return your purchase…once it is out of my life, it’s yours forever (unless you can convince someone else to take them off your hands).

So Hurry and get your names in so I can take care of your order.  E-mail, phone, write, or just holler really loud and I will get things rolling.  Don’t delay!!! I really need help!……REALLY!!!